Often, I would be playing across the street with my sister and two boys that lived in the neighborhood. Without fail, my mother would call me inside to get ready for bed just as we were beginning to play something new. I can remember running across the dead-end street, through the drainage ditch in our front yard, complaining all the way about having to go to bed while it was still light.
I remember more than just complaining - there were some knock-down drag-out fights about being the youngest and having to stop playing before anyone else did. It simply wasn’t FAIR! I remember pouting in my bed yelling to my mother that I couldn’t sleep because it wasn’t even dark! I don’t know how she put up with me sometimes.
How is it that I can be so in touch with those feelings I had of not wanting to stop playing, being treating unfairly, and not being in charge, yet I’m not in touch my kids having those same feelings? Somehow, I need to step back (or reflect in preparation) before I call them inside to supper. I know they are going to balk at having to stop playing, and I need to remember what that feels like.
My husband always surprises me (mostly because he’s older than me) when he reflects on his own childhood to remind me what it’s like to be a kid. He usually does this right after I’ve been shrieking at one or more of the kids about something they have or haven’t done that’s really pissed me off. It’s amazing how calming and therapeutic it is when he helps me reflect on my own childhood frustrations.
Putting yourself in your own kids’ shoes might be one of the best and hardest things to do. But I bet it would really help the parent-child relationship to look at things from their perspective more (ideally before you tell them to do something :)). I bet it would help me ASK them in a nicer way; I bet it would help me respond to their arguing in a more understanding tone; I bet it would help me play more WITH them instead of finding things for them to do on their own. I bet it would help me become a better parent. I bet it would give my kids a childhood worth reflecting upon.
