While I’ve got your attention, I have a specific situation that I’d like some help with. All the comments I’ve ever received have been the positive and encouraging kind - the kind that make you excited when you receive a comment and sad and blue when you don’t.
I wrote a post about not getting any sleep with my youngest, concluding that I was going to have to do the “tough” thing of letting her cry it out. One of the comments I received criticized my parenting and called my choice to let her cry it out one of laziness and neglect. I responded very politely, citing our difference of opinion on getting babies to sleep through the night and thanked her for stopping by and leaving her comment.
She emailed me back, again bashing my parenting choices and told me quite plainly that she didn’t want to associate with the likes of me and told me to “stay out of her space.”
Excuse me? I was willing to just agree to disagree . . . we all have our different opinions and I don’t think any of us are experts enough (not even the “experts”) to judge someone for their parenting choices.
So, as a new blogger, I’m asking you what should I have done in response to this attack? I’ve already deleted her comment and am no longer “in her space.” What does the blogosphere etiquette dictate?
By the way, I still have her website if you’re interested . . .
Works for me Wednesday is backwards today over at Rocks In My Dryer, so if you’d like to help some other poor souls like me, head on over to Shannon’s!
October 2nd, 2007 at 10:13 pm
Someone actually did that to you? I am sorry. It is never fun to have the nasty people come out when we are trying to seek out help.
I would just tune her out, she doesn’t seem to be the type of person that you would even want to worry about.
October 2nd, 2007 at 10:33 pm
I’m sorry that happened, too, and I hate it when it’s happened to me. Weird that she wanted you to stay out of her space but she was commenting on *your* blog. I agree with Kellyn — just let it go. So far I’ve found those wacky hurtful comments are pretty rare.
October 2nd, 2007 at 10:33 pm
You have to ignore hateful people like that. Don’t give them a platform for their opinions. Don’t waste your time and energy dealing with that. SO sorry, I have not had that happen.
October 2nd, 2007 at 10:36 pm
I just had a bad experience two weeks ago. You gotta just delete it and move on. That’s what I did….Sorry there are some stinkers out there.
October 2nd, 2007 at 10:53 pm
I’ve been blogging for a little over a year and got my first real negative comment last night. In a post I had about reading the Bible, someone called me a moron, said it was just a work of fiction and that I could believe it if I wanted but to leave him out of it. I thought…excuse me…if you want to be left out of it, don’t come to my blog and read!! I just deleted his comment and left it alone — tempting though it was to answer him back, I figured he wasn’t in a listening mode and it would only escalate.
Unfortunately, some people can get really opinionated about specific parenting techniques. I’m sorry this lady couldn’t “agree to disagree.” I don’t know what you could’ve done any differently. I know it stings, but it’s best to let it go and chalk it up to the “some people are like that” category.
October 3rd, 2007 at 12:14 am
Well that was rather rude of her! I agree with the other commenters, let it go. She’s not worth it.
I know there’s a Blogging 101 site out there somewhere. I’m just not finding it at the moment. Maybe someone else can direct you to it!
October 3rd, 2007 at 12:42 am
Rocks in My Dryer’s own Shannon started a how-to blog with a couple of others. You can find it at: http://www.bloggingbasics101.com.
As far as your interaction with this particular commenter, I would think that by leaving a comment on your blog, she was the one who initiated the dialog. If she didn’t want you “in her space,” she shouldn’t have commented in the first place. Deleting her comments seems like the best thing to do.
October 3rd, 2007 at 1:21 am
Oh dear, the joys and traumas of commenting. Sorry you had a bad experience. Obviously you picked a “controversial” topic like babies, sleeping and crying. You should have posted about something more neutral like politics.
Sounds like you are getting good advice to delete and move on.
Duckabush Blog
October 3rd, 2007 at 3:20 am
Don’t worry about it. There are nuts everywhere, even on the Internet. Just delete. Don’t let people be able to post without you accepting their comment first. Some of them get a thrill stirring up trouble and making nasty comments so don’t even post those comments in the first place. It only gets nice people upset and nasty people happy to spread more chaos. You can’t please everybody all of the time. As soon as you put out an opinion, no matter how harmless, there will be one person ready to cheer and one ready to jeer.
Blessings to you and good luck on the new blog venture.
October 3rd, 2007 at 3:48 am
Karen, this is your site so you have the right to delete hurtful comments. I think 99% of the blogosphere would agree with you on this one!
Put it behind you and discover that that the rest of us are actually a lovely bunch!
God Bless xx
October 3rd, 2007 at 8:19 am
I have been blogging for about 7 years and I have had a comment like that only a time or two but I see it often around the blogosphere. It’s hard and it is hurtful but like a lot of people have suggested, you have to delete and FORGET it. It’s often hard for me to do that because my first instinct is to explain and defend myself - thinking if they really knew me they wouldn’t respond like that but THAT’s the deal right there. They don’t know you and that fact right there makes it easier for some people to say things that they would never say to someone in person.
October 3rd, 2007 at 8:24 am
Wow, I can’t believe this person had the audacity to come back with a second lashing, especially after your graceful approach! I would have done the same thing you did the first time around, but now, I think you should broadcast her site for all of us to objectively visit. Just kidding! I’d say, delete any comments from her and wash your hands of her.
October 3rd, 2007 at 9:43 am
I admire you for commenting back in such a kind way. Sorry it came back in full ugly again. I would say just delete those types of comments.
October 3rd, 2007 at 9:57 am
No need to respond further. Continue to be gracious with whatever attacks you may face. If you know what you do is best for your family, then read it, smile, and go on your way. Oh, and everytime someone does that to me, I make a little heart memory of what it feels like to be critisized in such a way, so that I will make sure to never do that to anyone else.
October 3rd, 2007 at 11:31 am
I think you did the right thing. Most of the time people leave comments because they like reading your blog and want to give you good feedback. I’ve had a few comments from people giving me differing opinions from my own, but in a nice way. If someone gives you any kind of comment that makes you feel bad, delete it. If I’m reading a blog and I don’t agree with something they’ve said, I never leave a comment. There are some blogs I like to read because they’re entertaining, but I don’t agree with some of their opinions, but it’s their blog and they can say what they want and if I don’t agree I keep it to myself. I only comment when I’m trying to give positive feedback. By the way, I agree with the concept of crying it out. Out of my three kids I had to let one of them do it because there was no other way to get him to sleep. It took three days, with him crying less each day, and now, seven years later, he goes to sleep at a decent hour and sleeps like a log. And guess what? He doesn’t even remember it. Post what you want on your blog, and if anyone tries to make you feel bad, delete them and forget about them.
October 3rd, 2007 at 12:42 pm
Sometimes … you just have to let things go. You replied politely, and she fired off again. Scratch her off your list and move on. Also, the written word is flat, and can sometimes appear more hurtful that what it was intended to be.
And, I agree with Rebecka — it’s a learning process. You will remember how it hurt, and it will help you be gracious with the next person that comes across hurtful or rude…
And for what it’s worth … I let my son cry it out. It took only three days, but in the end, he is a better sleeper for it, and a great kid, too! So if that person is reading… c’mon over to my blog — I’ve got broad shoulders! Just kidding.
Blessings to you!
October 3rd, 2007 at 2:06 pm
I rarely get mean comments either, but I try to respond nicely. My only difference from other commenters is that I leave the offending comment up, unless there’s profanity or something.
I like to let people see that I can tolerate different viewpoints, and often the next commenter will come along and support you after reading the hateful message.
Good luck!
October 3rd, 2007 at 4:35 pm
I have had that happen once. Someone posted several nasty comments all to the same blog (a blog about sending out Christmas cards, not anything offensive). At first I was very angry and thought of all sorts of nasty things to say back. I also considered deleting the posts just to be rid of them. Then I realized that the person was trying to bait me, trying to get me to respond or delete, and that the best course of action was simply to leave the comments up and not respond. People came out of the woodwork to support me, and the nasty commenter ended up deleting their profile to make their comments dissapear.
October 3rd, 2007 at 4:48 pm
I find it helps me to say to myself, “The worst punishment for someone that mean is to have to live inside their own head!” If I’m being good, that leads to compassion for someone so angry and bitter. And if I’m being bad, I just feel all superior and la-di-da!
But seriously, negative comments hurt and I’m sorry it happened to you.
October 5th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
Gosh! You guys are all so nice and kind - I’m so glad I reached out to the blogosphere! You’ve restored my confidence in writing and sharing! This commenter could certainly learn a few lessons from y’all - hint! hint! you big meany! Thanks everyone!
October 9th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
I agree with all these others. I’d struggle with not lashing back, but it’s best to delete it and move on. For what it’s worth, I don’t think letting them cry a little while makes someone a bad parent. It is important that they learn to put themselves to sleep, otherwise you’ll end up with pre-schoolers who can’t go to sleep without you, trust me I know. And it’s equally important that you get enough sleep so that you can take care of them during the day, instead of being half-awake and making stupid mistakes. Trust me, I know about that, too. Stick to your guns and feel confident with your decision. Like someone else said, it usually only takes a few days anyway.
March 1st, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Hi! I had that happen to me once, on somebody *else’s* blog … someone replied to what I had said (I never EVER say bad stuff, I’m of the “if you don’t have something good to say, don’t say anything at all” kind) and criticized me. I replied in a kind way and then they took THAT and tore it to pieces and misinterpreted it and bashed me AGAIN.
I think I’ve learned something since then because I tried to explain myself but it only got worse and I think it taught me that meanspirited people will say what they’re gonna say and believe what they’re gonna believe regardless of what I do. Explaining isn’t gonna help me, it’s like talking to a brick wall. I can totally relate to how much this can HURT! I need to remember there are all kinds of people out there and, especially with the anonymity of the internet, they will tend to say things they might not say if you were standing right in front of them. I would say to chalk it up to “this one’s a wacko, look how they’re treating a stranger … wow, they must really be miserable” and not respond.
GREAT QUESTION by the way!
Hugs,
Col