Family Briefs

When I was given the opportunity to participate in a blog tour for the book, You’re Not the Boss of Me by Betsy Brown Braun, I was immediately interested.  The subtitle, “Brat-proofing your 4- to 12-year-old child” screamed out for me to jump in - with four kids, aged 3, 5, 7, and 10, I SO needed to read this book.   My 10-year-old thinks he knows more than God, and I’ve renamed my 3-year-old “Sassafras” because of her persistent sassy-ness!

Betsy Brown Braun offers pages of thoughtful parenting advice in easy-to-understand parenting language.  What she says really makes sense for the parenting issues we each face.   She begins with instructions on how to use the book (which I LOVE):  “begin with the chapter whose subject matter interests you the most . . . read the chapter, absorb the information . . . .work on that one trait until you feel comfortable  with the suggested techniques . . . you just can’t rush the parenting process, nor can you master it all in one sitting.”

I think we often read through parenting books, grabbing at whatever little tidbits we can to try to implement everything into our parenting to immediately make things better.  We become overwhelmed and frustrated.   When the newly-learned parenting techniques don’t work, we toss up our hands at “another failed attempt.”  Braun is wise to offer this advice in the preface to her book.

Each chapter begins with no-nonsense information about the particular skill you want to work on (empathy, responsibility, honesty, respect, etc.), including how children develop around this skill.  Then you’ll find a list of “Tips and Scripts” for working on a particular skill.    I LOVE this “quick reference” part of her book.  I can go back and remind myself of something with just the bold print of each tip or find the tip I need to work on and read the short paragraph relating to that specific tip.

For example, the chapter on respect (the chapter I started with)  includes tips and scripts such as:

• Substitute the word “respectful” for the word “appropriate”
• Allow your child to disagree with you
• Respond to rule- and limit- breaking calmly but with authority
• Saying nothing can be a powerful response
• Speak to the behavior, not the child
• and many more!

I have a feeling I will keep this book on my nightstand and refer to it on a daily basis!  There are so many realistic ideas and suggestions that it should be easy to find something that works for each of my four children, even Ms. Sassafras!

I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour campaign by Mom Central on behalf of HarperCollins and received a copy of You’re Not the Boss of Me to facilitate my review. Mom Central also sent me a gift certificate to thank me for taking the time to participate.

In light of the recent tragedy in Haiti and Chile, Sylvan Dell Publishing is doing its part to help parents and teachers educate children about earthquakes. For the entire month of March, the Panda’s Earthquake Escape eBook will be available on the Sylvan Dell Web site for free.

Pandas’ Earthquake Escape, written by Phyllis Perry and with stunning illustrations by Susan Detwiler, follows the adventures of a mother panda, LiLing, and her cub, Tengfei, for several days after the devastating earthquake that hit China two years ago. Perry’s story follows the two pandas’ quest to survive outside the comfort of their reserve.

The eBook features read-aloud, auto page flip, and selectable English and Spanish text and audio. This title is also available in hardcover and paperback. We hope this book is enjoyed and helps children understand world events around them.

When I was pregnant with our 4th and lounging the summer away at the water park trying to stay cool, another mom of four welcomed me to the “freaky four club.” We discussed how people think you’re weird for having four kids, you know, ‘cuz two is normal.

Yes, we get weird looks and see people counting and wondering if they are all ours. Lots of comments about “how do you do it?” and “I can barely manage the two we have” and “do you know how this keeps happening?” Yes. We’re freaks, but we’re happy freaks.

Fortunately, I haven’t had anyone tease us about our choices in extracurricular activities - for example, not signing our kids up for soccer or t-ball. We pretty much stick to TaeKwonDo, ballet, scouts, and church. Many days, I think that’s too much. Poor Jane (not her real name) apparently gets mocked more than we do because she can’t even use her real name in a blog about their family’s choice to limit their activities!

We’ve opted out of sports because they require practice during the week and a game on Saturday (and God forbid, you sign up for traveling soccer and have to drive two hours just to get to a game!). We love TaeKwonDo for the self control and discipline emphasis, ballet because . . . . well because we have girly girls, scouts for all the God and country emphasis along with all the neat stuff you learn, and church to keep us a little grounded. I mean, really, that’s enough - isn’t it?

So for all of you families out there that are running around from one activity to the next and wondering why you can’t finish your homework, and think we’re weird? I think you’re crazy! And Jane probably does too :).

Seems our community is running rampant with a stomach virus. Some of the company we had on Thanksgiving Day came down with it just hours after leaving (it wasn’t my cooking, honest!). We’re so glad to have narrowly escaped the vomiting and diarrhea, especially with small children!

I’m not so sure we’ll be so lucky to escape a bad case of stripes; I can already see the early symptoms in at least two of my children - the two who care what other people think. What? You’ve never heard of this dreaded disease? I hadn’t either until we found it at the library - a book, that is, by David Shannon.

A Bad Case of Stripes is a delightful story about a young girl who loves lima beans. Now, she didn’t tell her friends this, of course, because no kid likes lima beans and she wanted to fit in. She cared a lot about what other people thought of her, so much so that she had a terrible time choosing her outfit for the first day of school.

Of course, who cares about what clothes you’re wearing when your body is covered in bright, bold, rainbow stripes? This is exactly what happens to Camilla Cream as she’s trying to get dressed for that first day of school. Her mother sends her to bed and calls the doctor, but Dr. Bumble can’t seem to find a reason to keep her home from school.

At school the next day, Camilla is laughed at by everyone. Of course, when her stripes changed to red, white, and blue with stars during the Pledge of Allegiance, her classmates began shouting out different designs. Sure enough, her skin changed to match the polka dots, chekerboard, and camouflage patterns that were being called out.

The specialists are called in; the experts are called in; even an Environmental Therapist is called, but Camilla’s condition only seems to worsen. No one can determine a cure for this odd skin condition that seems to take on the colors and shapes ofwhatever they mention (especially yucky when the experts talk about viruses and fungi).

Only when a sweet, plump, old woman stops by and offers to help, does Camilla seem to have a chance. The woman offers Camilla some lima beans. “”Are those magic beans?” asked Mrs. Cream. “Oh my, no,” replied the kind old woman. “There’s no such thing. These are just plain old lima beans. I’ll bet you’d like some, wouldn’t you?” she asked Camilla.”

Just after refusing the lima beans, Camilla finally admits that she really does like lima beans. As she eats the beans, Camilla is cured.

Oh, if only the stripes were really that easy to get rid of. But aren’t they? Maybe not after one dose of being ourselves, but after regularly practicing being ourselves - you know, on a daily basis. Getting dressed in the morning with no one else in mind but ourselves - not what others will think, but what do I think of the clothes I’m putting on?

I’m so glad that my oldest daughter (who currently cares quite a bit about what others think - and she’s only FOUR!) absolutely loves this book - don’t tell her, but she’s getting it for Christmas (the library wants their copy back :). Hopefully, she’ll see the hidden message amongst the pages and learn to make choices for herself and not for others.

Happy Reading!

This week has been plagued with some weird and repetitive conversations with our 4-year-old. He keeps asking about dying. There’s simply no way that a child that young can grasp the concept of death - I’ve still got questions about it at 37!

He began by asking if he was going to die. Well, we didn’t want to lie to him, so we explained that everyone, every living thing, would die at some time. That led to specific questions about rocks, Lego’s, trees, flowers, and even his teddy bear. So we launched our explanations about the difference between the living and the non-living (which led to LOTS more questions . Flowers and trees were tricky - annuals, perennials, the flower itself, the plants, etc. - you get the picture.

Even though we thought the matter was somewhat resolved for him, we found him in tears the next day because he didn’t want to die. I thought it would make him feel better to explain that it’s just our bodies that die - our soul/spirit/personality lives on with God. Well, that just opened the door to the conversation about Jesus and God - are they alive? have they ever been alive? when did they die? where are they now? Once the conversation wraps up, we think we’ve made some headway on the subject.

Another incident in tears left us knowing the subject may never be resolved to his satisfaction. Not only did he want to know how he was going to die, he’d also like to know how we’re all going to die and WHERE! Without making life too scary, we tried to explain that there are lots of different ways a person can die (sudden plane wreck, drowning, cancer, just plain getting old and your body gives out - you better believe I played this one up!). You never really know when or where - it’s a mystery.

Even though each conversation has it’s seeming resolution, the “wheels” spin some more and another conversation emerges. Since many of these are redundant, I’ve decided to focus on and include in all of our “death conversations” that we need to enjoy every day that we have. We should not focus on death - when or where it will occur - we have little control over that (although we’ve already pushed the idea of making healthy choices - eating right and not smoking - to get the most out of our lives). What we do have control of is finding the joys and pleasures of every day.

I know for me, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the drama of all the bad things going on - the sudden need to replace a sewer line in the front flower bed, the shingles that are sliding off the roof, the A/C unit that reminds you it’s on it’s last leg by requiring $100 worth of freon - AGAIN, not to mention the temper tantrums and sibling rivalry amongst the children!

What was I saying??? Oh yes, the joys and pleasures of every day life. I think sometimes we have to force ourselves to look for them; they are often found in the mundane - a husband that cooks breakfast 5 days a week, the first grade teachers agreeing not to give homework for the rest of the year, the temperature NOT getting over 85 degrees, the best game of Battleship I’ve played with my 7-year-old.

Despite my complaining, there is pleasure in these “death conversations.” I’m getting to think more about my own faith and what I believe about death, and I’m getting to share that with my 4-year-old to help him shape his own beliefs. I’m also really glad that he’s asking me questions (other than “why,” which is where my 2-year-old seems to be stuck for now :-). Not too long from now, he may not be willing to talk to me about anything important. You better believe I’m going to try to enjoy every conversation I can have with him between now and the teenage rebellion!

**I wrote this several months ago . . . not sure why I never published it. The death conversations stemmed from the Easter season at his preschool - his OLD preschool. We realized (a bit too late, I’m afraid) that their idea of “age appropriate teaching” was not the same as ours. We’ve been at a different preschool this last year that’s much more on the same page as we are - we’ve loved it and haven’t had any more tearful discussions about death or dying. Now we’re trying to explain why things break when he stretches/bends/pulls/pushes things beyond their limits - much simpler, but no less repetitive!

My oldest is not a picky eater, except when it comes to school lunches. Even though I have a new appreciation for school lunches (I didn’t have to cook it), he lacks that same feeling. Most days he and I put together something for lunch for him, and he’s not a big sandwich eater. So, we have to get a bit creative . . .

1. His favorite soup is Campbell’s Select Italian Wedding. I heat up a can & put some in his thermos (we, at home eat the rest), cut up some apple slices, a few baby carrots and some Ranch dressing dip (in a disposable plastic container, no less); add a cookie, and he’s all set!

2. We occasionally eat frozen pizza (the REALLY cheap kind) on Friday nights for our movie night. I usually cook a little extra, so I can send him to school with cold pizza, grape tomatoes, a banana, and some chocolate pudding. Read the rest of this entry »

If you didn’t hear the first part of our New Year’s Resolution solutions, listen to the first part here. In part one, we talked about ways to be better organized in the new year and a variety of ways to eat healthy and get our kids to eat healthy.

In part two, we discuss some creative ways to work on spending more quality time with the kids. We also spend some time exploring fun ways to exercise and involve the kids.

We hope you enjoy the show and would love to hear your feedback. Leave a comment with your ideas for the new year!

I have four children. I have two eyes. I need AT LEAST two more to keep up with all of them. Really if I had my way, I’d have at least FOUR more eyes. You know, just so I could drive safely. Or maybe I could burn cook supper and keep them from bouncing the exercise ball off the television in the living room. Maybe I could even get some computer work done while I made sure no one decided to explore one of the many piles of dog poop in the yard.

Better yet, I could fix my 3-year-olds’ hair without her younger sister sticking Read the rest of this entry »

Every parent struggles with getting in that quality one-on-one time with each of our children - feeling guilty if we fail, especially if the child’s behavior is reflective of what we perceive is our neglect of them.

I keep stumbling across articles about the Read the rest of this entry »

Yes, I said my book reviews would happen on Friday. Unfortunately, this week I didn’t plan in for the cub scout meeting on Friday night. I hope you haven’t been sitting at your computer waiting for this all day (yeah, right ).

I know I reviewed a dinosaur book last week and one just last month, but I’m afraid that’s what I’ve got for you again this week. At least Read the rest of this entry »